My father says, "Make the bed."
"When things get hard, don't be difficult."

My father says
He hasn't seen his boyfriend in a year

The water separating them is
Clearly named after me

"Clear
Sight without possessiveness,"
Chris says

He's writing the words from his kitchen where
He's baking bread

I'm sitting on the bed
Asking questions in my head
To no one

When I broke apart
After drinking a hot mug of tea,
You held me

I took a pill; it cured me
Of my neurosis
Temporarily—

Then the abyss returned

I pictured a button
I desired press,
And thought of the pills in bottles
All of the wine in bottles
I couldn't buy

In the bathroom, salt
Sat on the rim of the tub.
M, what do you think of that?
Now that that moment passed, I think of it
Cast in a glow

When I went running in the park, I saw you
In my soul

Looking out over the grass
Where we last walked
Hand-in-hand
Past the bench
With the couple listening
To a transistor radio

What's the news?
Where were you?
When I said I couldn't find you
In my head, I didn't mean to scare you
I only meant to relay the condition of forgetting after
Primordial death

Nothing keeps in my mind
Nothing lasts all the time

And such is the great pity of life on
Earth, my abyss

Holding your ear
I want a form

I want to be a circle in the dark
Cascading over the park like a comma

What do you call someone you love?

I rest my hand on your cheek
And think of banal domesticity

Will you be my date to the lunch?
Will you walk with me in the woods?
Will you be my anchor or not?

There was a promise written in my palm
But I forgot
And now it's gone

Lying with you in bed
Is the most quiet I've ever felt
Do you feel quiet too?
Sleeping next to you, I dream
Everything
I dream you screaming
But you're quiet next to me
The screaming comes from inside me

And when I woke, you kissed my mouth
And said something didn't instinctually click

And an instinct is a pattern
So said the man is therapy
And a pattern is a deficiency
But who am I to know as a girl?